I Can Only Remember

2018

A fractured mass of broken parts

What brittle hearts in loss 

Tossed back and forth 

There's a force of torrents 

You can't seem to swim above 

Blood drained dry that liquefied 

The life I fight to remember. 

Death wet embers of a fire gone 

Just smoke and remnants of a former glory

You had it in your eyes 

I'm so surprised you weren't invincible.

How? 

Now I know it's true what Lewis said, "The best of men with fail you and

all of them will end up dead" 

My head is on a treadmill 

Thoughts chasing to grasp it all 

But I'm going nowhere fast. 

I crash again. 

Wet burns my cheeks 

And if the meek inherit the earth I should have it all, 

The world in a crystal ball because

I just miss you.

Boxes of tissues worth. 

I can't rewind time 

But my imagination keeps trying 

I'm denying my logic in hopes to see you again 

Friend. Brother. Lover. Mother. Father. 

Grief never bothers to ask who, when, or if we're ready 

So I'm repetitious and scatter brained 

Shattered and stained, my soul 

There's nothing to wash away the memories of you. 

And if you could come alive again 

Maybe you wouldn't even match the freeze-frames I've made

Once where we played all night, but a fight cut the fun short.

Arguments are the sort of things we fail to remember in loss, funny. 

But I remember and that's what hurts the most. 

I can only remember.